Say, what's this, a new product? Hmmm, what smart packaging, and such an attractive lady on the box! Let's see, what is it used for?...Oh here it is: "Indication: Sliming." Why, I like to slime!
Hey... this might be something I could use. Let me look here..."This herb is good for the overweighted person who do not want to control food consuming..." Why, that describes me to a tee!
You would think if you went to all the trouble of inventing a spray, manufacturing a spray, and marketing a spray that wasn't very good you would pay someone to come up with a better name than BAD SPRAY®. Like, for instance, maybe you could call it GOOD SPRAY® and then as a disclaimer on the back say something like, "This spray is bad."
An even better name than GOOD SPRAY® would be BAD ASS SPRAY®. But I guess that could be misconstrued as regular old BAD SPRAY® that you spray on your ass. New improved BAD SPRAY! Now for your ass!
This spray courtesy of The Matthew Sweney Corp., Inc., Ltd.
Leave it to the Germans to develop an instant cat food. If you rip open the box at a rock show you will get a
veritable nuclear winter of mashed potato like flakes floating all over
the club. Trust me.
Pussy Flakes is made by Vitakraft, who also make a sausage style cat food and a product called Doggy Water, which is even funnier than Pussy Flakes.
One of the best things about a website is the voyeurism involved in seeing what people search for on Google. So far, The Mom and Pop Culture Shop is a search result for:
Just thought you might like to know. I'm guessing that "Hot Nut" might get me a few more hits.
In the old country I was oppressed by communism, but here in America anyone willing to work can own their own business. I have put in many hours and made many sacrifices to make real my dream of selling dongs. I started with just a little dong cart and today I have a full sized dong supermarket! Although the work is hard and the hours are long, the look on a customer's face when I present her with the freshest dong in town makes it all worthwhile.
Editor's note: Even I am appalled at the lengths I will go to for a dick joke.
He cheated on his law school exam and wasn't allowed to take the bar exam, but still went on to a great political career in Nashville. He was elected to Congress and later as Mayor of Nashville, at which point he went on the Donahue show with his mistress, an aspiring country singer, to whom he was engaged, even though he was still married to his third wife, who had no idea anything was going on.
The people of Nashville didn't like this one bit. Bill Boner was not reelected, even though he ran for several minor offices, one of which was something on the level of dog catcher. After that didn't pan out, Bill had many jobs including delivering newspapers and the Yellow Pages.
Boner memorabilia is all over Nashville estate sales, and as far as I know I am the biggest collector of it. I have a Boner t-shirt, Boner nail files, Boner hats and Boner fans; I am a Boner fan. A fun party game is to make the bone in the Boner logo look like a penis, which is surprisingly easy if you have a blue Sharpie.
And that's your Nashville moment for today.
For faster fingering and reduced finger soreness.
If it's going to be a crappie world, at least it's hugely crappie. This magazine is full of crappie. Every single ad has the word 'crappie' in it and there are recipes for Crappie Casserole, Crappie Kebobs and Crappie Burgers. I shit you not. I crappie you not, either.
Seriously. There's more crappie than you can shake a flippen crappie stick at. And if you don't believe me, you can go buy the crappie magazine yourself.
Okay, if the name of your company happens to be COCK on the Mountain Top, and you put out a product called, "Banana in Syrup," someone, somewhere has snickered. Probably more than once. But, no, you go ahead and peel some of the bananas for the picture, I guess so they look more like penises.
I can't even imagine how disgusting canned bananas must taste.
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