The Mom and Pop Culture Shop

Obscure Clunky Rock Lyric

Hey, gang, ready for a new game? It's called "Obscure Clunky Rock Lyric" and your job is to identify the artist and the song. All of the lyrics below are from popular rock/pop songs, and it's a wonder nobody said, "Are you sure you want to use the word 'moot' in your potentially number one pop hit?"

First one to get them all right wins something. No fair cheating! Extra points for adding some new clunkers.

1. "My love for you is immeasurable, my respect for you immense..."

2. "The albatross and the whales, they are my brothers..."

3. "Snot is running down his nose..."

4.  "She's loving him with that body I just know it..."

5. "It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Aw, it's you..."

6. "I just gotta get loose with you tonight..." 

7. "I said, 'Get some sleep and dream of rock'n'roll.."

8. "She's been around, but she's young and clean..."

9. "I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probly moot..."

10. "Girl, you got me thirsting for another cup of wine...""

11. "And the big-bosomed lady with the Dutch accent who tried to change my point of view.."

12. "And they shimmied; Sam is so skinny..."

13. "Time keeps flowing like a river to the sea..."

14, "You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre contemplating a crime."

15. "You're like a sledgehammer, baby; sleeping all the time..."

16. "Only time will tell if we stand the test of time..."

17. "Are you hot momma? You sure look that way to me."

18. "Get out, I'm telling you now. Do you catch my drift, what could be plainer than this?"

19. "Young girl, get out of my life. My love for you is way out of line."

20. "You ask me if I love you, and I choke on my reply..."

21. "In this ever-changing world in which we live in..."

God Gave Rock and Roll to You

I bought this single truly hoping it would a rock and roll record, perhaps the answer song to KISS' "God Gave Rock and Roll to You," but no, it's the Rev. and Mrs. Jerry Jerkins (their real names) talking about how we need more of Jesus and less rock and roll.
I think the Rev. and the Mrs. need more, say, sexual intercourse and less access, say, to recording studios. That aside, did they think they were putting one over on the teens in the congregation by recording a '45? I wonder if they had a youth group party with Cokes in the church rec-room when they released it. Yeesh. How incredibly depressing.

From the Gospel According to Paul (Stanley) I leave you with this:
"I know life sometimes can get tough! And I know life sometimes can be a drag!
But people, we have been given a gift, we have been given a road
And that road’s name is... rock and roll!
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you, put it in the so-oul of everyone!"

Freddie Mercury

Remember when nobody knew Freddie Mercury was gay? This is from an old 16 Magazine, which was a magazine for teenage girls. If you click on the picture to enlarge it you can read about Freddie the Hunk. There are a couple of hints there...

My very very special friend Kyle responds:

We may have not known Freddie was gay, but, when Freddie stopped wearing tights and started wearing leather and hot pants, I knew something was going on. Freddie's preference was an often discussed topic amongst my first rock band as our singer, Mike, thought Freddie Mercury was the best rock singer, period, and would have loved to perform an entire set of Queen songs. The rest of the band felt that "Tie Your Mother Down" was plenty enough Queen. We didn't dislike Queen but their songs were difficult to play correctly without proper instrumentation and ability and we lacked both. Not wanting to admit this, and in order to discourage singer Mike from introducing another Queen song to the set, the band would resort to the "Queen are fags" argument as the final word as to why we shouldn't add any more Queen to our set. When you're sixteen any argument can be won with the "fag" assertion. It started as a joke, but with each new Queen album, from "Jazz" on, it became more and more apparent that we had been fooled into rocking out to something much different than what we had originally perceived. Also, Queen, or at least Mercury, had a reputation for hitting the town in Dallas after their concerts and this was big news in the local rock weekly "Buddy Magazine" (named after Holly). At first, his late night revelry would commence at Mother Blues, an infamous derelict rock club on Lemon Ave. But a year or so later, when it was reported that Freddie and his Queen's court detoured a few blocks away to cabarets such as the Manhole in the heart of the burgeoning gay district of Cedar Springs Ave., we all knew Freddie wasn't wearing leather to impress the ladies.

Rosetta Stone

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I used to read 16 magazine even though every issue was exactly the same. Each issue featured nine million pictures of Shaun Cassidy, six million pictures of Leif Garrett, and maybe one or two million of The Bay City Rollers. But occasionally there was one picture, usually with no explanation, of some band no one had ever heard of. Rosetta Stone is a good example of that phenomenon.  I'm sure their publicist paid pretty good money to get their picture in the mag, especially for a full color poster sized pull-out.

Anyway, after writing that last paragraph, I did five minutes of research and found a fan site for Rosetta Stone and guess what, they opened for the Bay City Rollers, the best band in the history of the universe, and if not the universe, at least the best band ever in the history of Scotland.

Oh my God, I just realized that the one holding his crotch is Ian Mitchell, who was also in the Rollers. It all makes sense now and Rosetta Stone is my new favorite band of all time.

David Lee Roth?

Title: David Lee Roth
Medium: Oil on student canvas.
Artist: Richards '84

Is this David Lee Roth or one of those chicks from Poison? Whomever it is, it's a fine example of airbrushing, and I do think the hair is just right.

Styx

Okay, besides the obvious errors in good taste...you are now invited to spot the Styx errors. Click on the image for a larger view if you really feel it necessary to find the errors.

Note: Styx errors Lady and Mr. Roboto have already been spotted.

Keyboard Scarf

The keyboard scarf!!! The worst garment since the keyboard tie!!! And as if the garment wasn't bad enough, they had to use a model who looked exactly like Chuck Mangione.

I found this ad in the back of an old '80s Rolling Stone magazine. Other clothing available to the masses at the time were operating room scrub suits and t-shirts that looked like tuxedos!

Attention keyboard players: you can still order rockin' garments guaranteed to impress the ladies from Edgerton Enterprises!