The Mom and Pop Culture Shop

May I present Gizmo, Pokey and Scruffy by Connie Sinclair, STaerkel and Dolores Young? They are all beloved doggies whose portraits wound up at the proverbial dog pound of bad art, The Salvation Army. Thank you.

Gizmo's name is on the back of her portrait, but the lady at the thrift store who rung up the purchase said that she used to have a dog just like that, but her name was Muffin. I don't know if she wore pearls. Or if she was day-glo.

Pokey is framed impressively on a gilt and black velvet frame. I call the dog in the painting Pokey because my nephew had one of that kind of dog, whatever it is, and named it Pokey. It was atrociously ugly and wanted to sit on my lap all the time. His eyes seemed like they would pop out of his head at any time and it was sort of like letting a bullfrog sit on your lap, but you got used to it and almost believed the dog to be cute by the end of the whole lap-sitting ordeal.

Scruffy just looks like a Scruffy.

Clown in 3-D!

Title: Soft and Fuzzy Clown
Artist: Or, a lack thereof.
Medium: Fuzzballs and plastic face glued to yellow cardboard. And wire.

Look, honey! I made something for the baby's room!

I wonder if the baby is the one who smashed in this clown's face. I've said it before, but nobody thinks clowns are cute anymore. Everyone is creeped out by them now. But, there once was a time when people liked clowns and thought they looked happy and I daresay, funny. Funny "ha-ha," not funny "does this milk taste funny?"  And so, many a child's room of yesteryear was decorated with stuff like this. Goodnight, baby. Sleep tight.

Rap Snacks

Things that the young white kids to whom this product is marketed will find wrong with RAP SNACKS:

1. The slogan, "Can you rap and snack at the same time?" Can you talk with your mouth full? Then, yes, probably.
2. The slogan, "Education is knowledge." Um, first of all, duh; but second of all, the cooler you try to make education sound to kids, the more it's going to backfire on you.
3. MC Potato; What, was LL Cool Ranch taken? How about Ranch Flavor Flave?
4. NO MSG: trust me; if you're eating rap flavored chips, you probably don't care.
5. The incredibly amorphic, asexual and aracial blob of a graphic that is spinnin' the discs.

Let me know if you think of any more!

Bo Duke Sings!

I can't think of a more appropriate name for John Schneider's brilliantly titled album Too Good to Stop Now.  Except,  of course, Shit Sandwich, but that must have been taken already by someone looking to cash in on a gratuitous Spinal Tap reference.

The Dukes of Hazzard was a mightly popular show, and the country music tie-in for the record execs must have been irresistable, so we can't really blame them for trying to earn a dollar, now can we?

Cooter, from the original Dukes of Hazzard show, now has a museum up by the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville; after his political career he's still trying to cash in. Apparently, he was miffed that they didn't want him for the movie.